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I am learning so much in this production; about Equity, about being a professional actor, and about acting itself.
The biggest thing that I'm still trying to wrap my head around is that I really need to chill out a little bit. While I definitely have lots of fun at rehearsals and backstage, I get very, very serious when it comes to shows. When dress/tech rehearsals start, I snap out of fun mode and into serious mode. A lot of people have commented on this in previous companies, and it's just something that I do. In this cast, it's not as noticeable because, even though only three of the cast members are actually in Equity, all of us except (ironically) the lead have been in professional productions before. However, I am starting to realise that sometimes, I just take things too seriously.
For example, the whole crying thing. I couldn't believe it when I was discussing my trouble with it with two of my castmates and they were like, "It's really okay to fake it." One of my "brothers" said something that has really stuck with me since he said it: "Being able to cry doesn't make you a good actor; it just means you can cry." So maybe I'm just taking this all a little too seriously? What would happen if I just let myself go for two seconds?
Our opening weekend went really well- great audiences, and the review that came out yesterday was great- it called us kids "the most impressive aspect of a production that depends on four sharp young actors". We were all surprised to get such a good review, not because we lack confidence in our show, but because we were told not to expect one. The reviewer, apparently, is not a fan of comedies; he likes heavy dramas and tends to review comedies negatively, even if it's funny.
My family came to the last show of the week, on Sunday, and I was so nervous. My family's opinion of my acting really matters to me, and I want to do well in front of them. They all seemed to really like it (which is wodnerful because they're not theatre people at all) and said it was the best one they've seen.
Tonight was our first show of the week, and I honestly think I did horribly. I felt like I was going in and out of the world of the play and I kept breaking. I just wasn't feeling it at all, no matter how hard I tried. I think this was just me adjusting to a new situation. It's not an excuse, but I've never been in a show that ran longer than six days in a row; I've never done a show for four days, had three days off, then had to do the same play again. Performing tonight was a bit of a shock to me. I realise now that, although I spent a bit reviewing my lines and stuff today, I need to really sit down with my script the night before a new weekend starts. I think (and hope) it was just the surprise of being onstage in the same play a few days later, especially since I was much more focused during the second act. The good thing is that I have the time to do such a thing. I hope tomorrow I will be back on my game because I don't want another surprise like I had today- I came backstage after bows and the SM goes, "Oh, by the way, some of your family told me to tell you they were here." I was like, "Oh, my God, no!" I don't want to feel ashamed when I find out someone came to see me.
In other news, I am totally nerding out over what we're doing in Method class: we'e working on the play Proof. I was so excited when I found this out because Proof has been one of my favorite plays for a few years now, and Catherine is one of my dream roles. Though I love to read, I usually hate reading for school- not this time. In class, we read through the play- our teacher assigned us roles for different scenes. I love the entire play so much that it's hard for me to choose my favorite scene, but I do have one- the final scene (four) of Act I, where Catherine goes through so many different moods; giddiness, contentment, fury, and pride, plus a few more subtle ones.The last lines always get me: "I didn't find it," Catherine says of the historical proof found in her dad's desk. "I wrote it." I was ecstatic when my teacher asked me to read that scene and I got really into it. After we were done reading, I couldn't help myself. "I LOVE this scene!" I exclaimed.
After class, I went back to my room and checked my school e-mail. I practically jumped out of my skin when I saw one titled "Roles for PROOF". I hurriedly checked the list. Next to the name CATHERINE under Act I, Scene 4, was my name! I actually hugged my script with excitement. I hope to one day play Catherine, but if I never get to, this will be a nice second.
I have my Method teacher for another class on the same day, and she asked me if I had gotten the e-mail. I said yes and told her how excited I was. "Your response in class definitely had something to do with it." I am so glad I said I liked the scene; I get teased sometimes for my enthusiasm over theatre, so I tend to hold myself back... but might not be in this wonderful scene if I had!
I also got asked to replace a girl in I Enjoy Being a Girl for Cabaret Club. Though I am the second choice for one of the four in the song, I am pretty excited- the audience won't know I was second choice. I love the song and I can't wait to get started next week! I'm in six numbers this semester- much more fun than being in one like last semester!
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