I often hear young performers talking about their level of skill in terms of what other people say about them. "My music director / teacher / friends say... [insert generic compliment here]."
I am always concerned when I see this type of remark, because it demonstrates a tendancy for us to calculate our self-worth based on what others say about us. Of all industries, the performing arts is the worst one to feel like this, since realistically the "no"s are going to far outweight the"yes"es, especially at the beginning of your career. If you base your level of talent on what others think, then you are likely to feel very inadequate very quickly.
It seems that often we say what others think to somehow justify our own confidence. You may think youself that you are very talented, but to say that would sound conceited, so we try to back it up by quoting testimonials from various friends, family, and educators.
The problem is that what others think, in reality, matters very little to anyone but you. People like to form their own opinions. Then of course there is the fact that not all endorsements are created equal. Having a mother who says you are wonderful means almost nothing at all - let's face it, most mothers think their children are wonderful. Having a flattering quote in a review by a respected columnist - well, that's a little better.
If you insist on measuring your talent or skill, stick to those things that you can control. Training, experience, and the joy of performing - these are the things that matter and truly measure who you are as a performer.
This is especially important to remember when we "fail" to get the role we wanted in an audition.
One of the most popular reactions to not receiving the role we were hoping for is to pick out every flaw of the person who DID get the role. We vent to our friends and family by bashing whoever will be playing the part, and watch eagerly during rehearsal for signs of incompetence, harboring disallusions that the casting people will suddenly come to the realization that they should really have given the role to you. But is this really helping us to feel better, or is it just a way of avoiding the possibility that maybe we really weren't best for the role?
The sad reality is that it doesn't matter why you didn't get the role. The only reason you should be reflecting on why your audition was not as successful as you had hoped, is if you know that you did NOT do everything in your power to prepare for the audition. (If this is the case, go back and read our articles on preparing for auditions).
If the audition was done to the best of your ability and still did not meet your expectations, then you have two choices - wallow in self pity, or move on.
