Even after getting some help from my teacher, I'm still having little trouble crying when I need to. I just don't know what to do... I don't want to have to fake. I don't know what's wrong (sorry, this entry is already kind of depressing...)

I was so shocked when I looked at my calendar and saw that we only have FIVE rehearsals left (three of which are tech)- and we've only have twelve so far! I wish Equity did their points by hours instead of weeks, because our normal weekday rehearsal is three and a half hours and our weekend rehearsals are six hours. I' be in Equity much sooner if that were the case!

The understudies have been coming in lately to observe the blocking and such. I get really nervous when my understudy (I can't believe I have an understudy!) is there. She's very nice, but I just feel like I have to prove something when she's there.

We're polishing everything now, going back and forth between acts. We revisited the first act yesterday and are doing it again tomorrow. My BIG cry is in the second act, but it's still kind of stressful.

In order to cry and just to stay true to my character, I've been trying to test different techniques that I'm learning in Method class... but I still find myself reverting back to my same old, same old of thinking the character's thoughts. This isn't a bad thing- it's then one that's always worked for me and I feel it's the most honest approach (you should hear the heated discussions we've been having in class about what an honest approach is). But I'd still like to have some different tactics in my toolbox, just in case.

On my way home from rehearsal last night, I got into a pretty bad car accident. It had been snowing lightly for a good amount of time before I left, but my drive there was very easy. I parked on the street rather than in the steep parking lot as a precaution, and it continued to snow for the entire 3.5 hour rehearsal.

I was about halfway home when it happened. The highway that I drive on is in construction for a good portion of my drive, and most of it is a "cattlechute", or a one lane, one way road. I was driving super slowly because I've already had a minor accident in the snow and didn't wish to repeat it. I even went to far as to put on my hazard lights so that people would know I wasn't going to go faster than 15-20 mph (seems slow, but trust me, the snow was bad).

So I was in the cattlechute, doing fine, when suddenly I hit an ice patch (I'm guessing). The back of my car slid level with the front of my car and I got wedged into the cattlechute. My car was sideways across the lane and I had so much traffic behind me.

I don't know how I only got hit by one car. It was a small car, but so is mine, so the impact was pretty bad. I have never felt anything like it. I've been in a lot of small accidents in all sizes of vehicles, from my tiny car to a school bus, but this was by far the worst. The car hit me but didn't dislodge my car. I was wearing my seatbelt (always wear it, kids), so I just got jostled around a lot. I hit the back of my head on my seat headrest, but that was the only injury I remember getting (don't worry, I'm not really hurt). I was already panicking, but I went into hysterics when I went to look out the window at the car that had hit me and saw that there wasn't a window anymore.

Oddly, there was no glass on me or in my car. I have no idea how that happened. My cell phone had gone when I got hit, so when I got out of the car to let someone else drive it to a safer spot (I had kind of forgotten how to drive... I couldn't even put a full sentence together), I had to borrow someone else's. By some miracle, I remembered my mom's number (not only am I normally terrible with numbers, but with cell phones, you just press a button anyway.)

Long story short, the couple that hit me was fine- they and their car were all right (they drove it back home). I got really annoyed when I told the officer my story an he asked them if it was correct and they said, "Yes... well, no." I'm not sure what that means since a) I told the truth and b) I didn't blame them for anything. It doesn't help that they don't really speak English.

I'm not hurt, just very achy. My head, hip and backside (that's where I took the hit... good thing I have padding there, LOL), right elbow (oddly), and left knee are pretty sore, but I didn't break anything or even have a concussion. I did get checked out by EMT (my parents' long distance orders) and they said I didn't need to go to the hospital, so the man towing my car drove me back to school.

My car is not so hot. My door is completely smashed in, window gone, and my seat was moved to then middle of the vehicle. The back driver's side door took a hit, too, though it's not smashed. The windsheild only has a few cracks on the far left. I went into fresh hysterics when I saw it because it looks really bad. I can't believe I walked away from that accident with nothing but a bruise and some aches. I lose my breath every time I think about the impact.

All through my panic, though, I was worried about getting to the show for the rest of the time. I was so worried that I'd be told I was injured in some way and couldn't perform. I was also worried about being fired (that seems a little outlandish of a worry, but I was panicked). So, tomorrow I have to take the train to rehearsal and I think a family member is bringing me home (thankfully, most of my extended family lives in the area). It's not going to be an easy month, especially transportation wise, but I'm just happy to be up and walking around and still able to perform.

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