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Coping With Disappointment |
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Written by triplethreat
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It's an unfortunately reality of theatre - we don't always get the roles we want. Learning to cope with disappointment is not only a reality of the business, it is also essential to maintaining a healthy self-image, and can even impact your reputation.
Here are a few key things to remember: *Warning - tough love to follow!*
- Theatre is never fair. You MUST come to terms with this, or you will never survive. If you expect the outcome of every audition to fit YOUR definition of fair, you WILL be disappointed. If you really, honestly, can't get past this then you might be better off in a different profession. (Actually, come to think of it, I can't think of any professions that are ALWAYS fair. So this is really just a "growing up" sort of thing.)
- If you need to vent, vent to a parent, sibling, best friend, or other highly-trusted person, but then stop. It is okay to be upset. It is okay to be a little angry. Venting may make you feel better, but you need to be careful of how you vent and to whom.
a. Venting is an emotional release, and it is often a bit difficult for others to listen to. Only those who are closest to you should hear it. And remember - the more people you vent to, the more likely it is that one of them might blab what was said to someone else. Be very selective about to whom you confide.
b. Letting it out is okay. Re-living the injustice over and over is not. Every time you rant about how unfair it was that you didn't get such and such, it gets you all worked up again. It also prevents you from getting over it and getting on with whatever your next project might be. Don't keep going over it again and again - it will only make you bitter. Just let it go.
- Recognize that you very rarely have all the information. Casting is a difficult process, with many different factors at play. What may seem very black and white to you, may not have been to those making the decisions. There's a great quote that applies here: "No matter how flat you make a pancake, it still has two sides."
- Most of the time, it's not personal. It may feel that way, but most directors are more concerned with putting together the best cast as a whole than they are in personally screwing you over. You shouldn't have any reason to think it is personal, unless you haven't been behaving yourself. (And in that case, you only have yourself to blame!)
- Learn from your mistakes gracefully. Double check your audition journal and ask yourself if maybe there is some aspect of your preparation you overlooked, or something you would do differently next time.
a. There isn't always an obvious mistake, but take the time to think it over. Perhaps not getting this role will help you learn something that WILL get you the next one.
b. Resist the urge to pester the audition panel about why you didn't get the role you wanted. Only under rare circumstances is this appropriate. Most of the time, even if you don't mean it to be, you will come off looking like a whiner. It's not worth the potential damage to your reputation. Most of the time, they aren't going to tell you anything helpful anyway.
- Don't let your disappointment be an excuse for you to be mean. I've heard some people say some pretty awful things about those who received the role they wanted. I don't care if you think they can't sing. I don't care if you think they got the role because they slept with the director. I don't care if you think it's true or not - it doesn't make you look good. Repeating these things to others makes you look like a sore loser. Be the gracious loser, shut your mouth, and move on.
By far the best way to get over a setback is to keep moving forward. Go to other auditions, make your chorus role the best it can be, work on expanding your repertoire. One audition will not make or break your career - but allowing a disappointment to affect your attitude might!
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