So I had my first college production audition last night. I had signed up for the a late slot, which I wasn't really supposed to do. But, I got a phone call around 3:30 in the afternoon from the girl who was running the session, asking me if I would take one of the earlier time slots- either six, six-ten, or six-fifteen. As it turns out, I didn't have to be at dance until 6:30. I apologized for my mistake and said I'd go at six, which means I was the first one they saw at all.
I was so freaking nervous that forty-five minutes before my audition, I had to go outside and walk around because I couldn't conentrate on anything. Earlier yesterday, I had spent an hour and a half in the theatre trailer reading the script. I was so scared they were going to ask me if I had read the script, and saying no wasn't an option (but lying and saying yes would have been risky). So I read it straight through and, though it helped me knock one character off of my "want to play" list, one got added: Little Mary. Now, I had wanted to be Little Mary anyway, but I had decided that I would not do the scene at the audition because that was the one that had all of those "Oh, Mother dear"s in it, and I didn't want to do it badly. But the character is just so great. She only has about three or four scenes, but they're great ones. Also on my list was Sylvia, the manipulative gossip, and Mary, Little Mary's mother and the lead character. Obviously, I have NO chance of getting a lead role as a freshman, but it is a great part.
So anyway, I got to the building at about 5:40 and caused a lot a trouble by blinking through every flash photo taken of me. They had to turn off the flash so I didn't lok drugged. Why do my eyes hate me? I got to meet the director before the auditions started. He's not a prof. at this school, which made me more comfortable. If it had been my teacher or advisor, I would have frozen up. After about ten minutes, it was my turn to go in. Though I didn't know the director, I knew two of the readers and I think the other one is in Wind in the Willows, which made me automatically starstruck (I am easily star struck. It's ridiculous that I react that way around my peers, but I do.) The director asked me if I wanted to do a scene or a monologue. "I can do whatever you want me to," I answered. "I'd prefer a scene." Good, because I did, too. I always whave Catholic Schoolgirls ready to pull out, but it's far too comedic, even though the play is funny.
I took upmy scripts and he said, "Which part are you reading for?" I told him that I had three I liked the best, and he said, "Okay, let's start with Sylvia." I was glad he chose this scene first, because I was freaked about the Little Mary scene. I read with Claire, who I know from Cabaret Club, and he stopped in me the middle and explained the character more to me and gave me some direction. Now, direction is a good sign, but seriously had NO idea what he wanted. So I just changed it up a little bit and prayed it was what he wanted.
Then he said, "All right, let's do the Little Mary scene." Oh, God. Now, in that scene, not only is there some pretty old-fashioned language, but Little Mary starts to cry three lines in. As I was walking around before the audition, I listened to some music that made me a little teary, just so I could get some sense memory. I cried when I rehearsed it in my room. But sometimes, tears just don't come. I was freaked that that would happen to me. The first time I did it, though I did get tears in my eyes and my mouth started shaking (I hate that it does that, it must look really funny), I didn't let myself actually shed any tears. Once I had finished, the director said, "I am thinking of making this the end of Act One, and the image at the end of this scene, with Little Mary beating the back of the chair, is really powerful. This is her big breakdown scene, so can you take it a little further?" I thought, okay, I can do that... until he asked the reader (the girl from WitW, who was such an amazing Mary) to start from just a few lines before Little Mary breaks down. I was like, 'Oh, my gosh, I can't build myself up this quickly.' Fortunately, the reader had a few seconds where she couldn't find the line, so I grabbed that time to prepare and started breathing in a very shallow way (all these articles on acting that I read really come in handy at times like these). i was still scared that I would just have to stand there and pretend to cry, and that was not a good feeling. I have a huge pet peeve about fake crying, though it's more geared towards movies than theatre. I can't stand it when someone just sobs dryly (the worst is when they wipe away tears they never had... drives me crazy.) If you can't cry, make the scene work so you don't. Not everyone cries when they're upset.
Anyway, so when we started from that point, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to cry, but thank God, I did. And a lot. I think it helped that I was so nervous for this audition that I was on the very of crying all day. Luckily I had looked at the sides enough that I knew the general line, because I couldn't see through my tears. The director seemed pretty happy with it and said he was glad I did that... then asked me if I was okay because I still had tears running down my face and was practically hiccuping.
Then he said, "Okay, I'm going to have you go out into the hall and prepare the Jane/Maggie scene for me... and could you prepare a French accent? We'll have you come back in when there's time."
Uhhhh... I realised then that I should probably take "French accent" off of my resume. I mean, I did do it once on a whim for a murder mystery dinner, and pretty well, but at that moment, I could not for the life of me remember what one sounded like. I had planned to watch a bit of The DaVinci Code, because i base my French accent of of Audrey Tautou's, but I had figured that I wasn't reading for anyone French (and Jane actually isn't French, he just wanted to hear it), so I didn't need to. Bad actor! When will I learn that I need to prepare EVERYTHING? Then I remembered something that saved me. I have these accent CDs that I got a few years ago, which have hundreds of accents on them... and I had put them on my Zune for a case such as this. So I quickly pulled it out of my bag and found the "French" track and listened to that until it was my turn to go back in.
He had me read most of the scene in an American accent, gave me some direction, and after my second reading of it, said, "Can I just hear that last line again with the French accent?" Luckily, it was one of the easier ones (there was one line with the word "ain't" in it, and I could not for the life of me figure out how to say that with a French accent). So I did that, and then I was done. My accent was not that great. I think I switched to English for a second or two. I am so out of practice.
The director never told us if there were to be callbacks- he said he might have them or might just cast from last night. I went to the theatre and ran into Mary (the girl who had called me), who told me the list would be up sometime today. Based on her tone of voice, I don't think I got in. I don't think I will anyway, though I really really really really really want to... but as a freshman, I can't expect something like that.
I went to the theatre at 6:15 so I could sneak in while the audience was coming out of the current show. I snuck in. I looked. My name was not there. None of the freshmans' were. If we weren't cast because of seniority, I will be so mad. I don't mind being rejected because someone was better than me, but talent has nothing to do with age.
I cried a lot. It wasn't so much not getting into the show, but the fact that my last show was in March. I really miss theatre. I feel suffocated here...
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But keep on trying. And don't feel suffocated, good things will come to those who wait 
