*sigh*

I have such a love/hate relationship with my "look". As I have mentioned before, I am eighteen, but I look like I'm about twelve years old. Normally, I love being able to get the younger roles- they're what I'm good at playing. But every now and then, something like what happened yesterday comes up.

I had an audition for A Murder is Announced, which is based off an Agatha Christie book. It sounded pretty cool before I even read for it- a murder mystery, takes place in the Victorian Era, and requires a British accent, which I'm pretty good at.

So I got there and was the last one to read, which I didn't think was a good sign. But I got to read three times, twice for the character I (and mostly every other woman under forty) was going for. The character was supposed to be in her early to mid twenties. The readings went really well and my accent was better than most, though some other people were really good, too. I felt great about the reading and I thought they liked me. They said they needed some time to confer- could we all stick around for the announcement of the callback list?

After about fifteen minutes, the door opened and a guy on the casting committee poked his head out. "Could we see Rachel?"

I was really nervous- the last time this happened at this theatre, they called me in and spoke to me rather rudely. (This was not the same casting committiee, FYI.) I went in and they were still sitting behind their table. The director had his hands on his cheeks. A long moment passe before he spoke.

"I want to cast you so badly, " he began. "You had such a great reading." "Your voice is wonderful," said the female CD. "But, " said the director, "you just look so young. Your youthful look is really working against you, here." "I know, " I said. "I kind of expected that, but I decided to try anyway." "I am just so sorry," the director said. "I don't want to waste your time by asking you to come to callbacks tomorrow night. I really want you for this role, but I'm not sure it'll work out. But, hey, there's another play coming up and I'm sure the CD would love to have you. Definitely come back!" I said I would.

This was bittersweet. It's the third time this year I've been first choice for a role, but haven't gotten it. (Wow, that sounded really conceited. I didn't mean it like that, sorry.) I mean, they were great compliments they gave me, and it's wonderful to know they wanted me that badly. But I can't put thay on my resume- and I really wanted to work with them.

Oh, well... maybe they'll change their mind after auditions tonight. And if not, I can still audition for the next one- the character is fifteen!