I am so upset right now... As I was typing this, I got the call from the theatre- but first, the story.

So I had my callback tonight. I was really really nervous because I didn't know if there would be major competition there and of course, there was that director on the casting committee. I got there early (those of us who got a callback were supposed to get there at 7:30, but I misjudged the driving time and got there at 7, when the new people were arriving) and so had to sit in the audience and watch a girl who was about my age and prettier than me do the part really well. By the time they called for a break so they could talk for a little, I was practically having a heart attack. They didn't seem very impressed, and I was disappinted in myself- and I hadn't read that night yet!

So finally they called everyone back in and said that, after they heard us read a few more times, they would dismiss people when they'd heard what they needed. When I finally got up there, I was happy to see that I was reading a different scene. Before the scene, they were like, "Does Delightful [the character I was auditioning for] have a line here? Oh, yes she does- one of her four and a burp!" This was kind of jarring- I didn't know she had so few lines. I'm not a line snob- I know the "no small parts" thing- but there was a problem. The performances began in late August, when i start college- two hours away from this theatre. It would be difficult, but I was willing to drive there and back for a substantial part.

I didn't know what to do- stop them there and tell them my situation? Talk to them afterwards (it ended up i couldn't because they were still reading people when I was dismissed)? Wait for the call and tell them then? I decided on the latter.

The scene went amazingly- my one line was "Beans", and though I only had one line, I got several huge laughs and even some applause for my reactions to what was going on around me. I felt great about it- but felt nervous about what I would do if I got the part.

What I was going to say either way when they called me was on my mind for the entire half hour drive home. I could see good to both sides- if I got the part, at least I would know they wanted me, I was good enough, etc. etc. If I didn't get the part, well, at least someone who could do it got it, and then I wouldn't have to actually turn them down.

So I got home and I wanted to talk to my dad about what he thought. He wasn't home, but I pretty much knew he would say to drop the role. I tried to call my mom, but she is at work, so I knew she probably wouldn't pick up. I was just searching for a way to take the part if offered, even though I knew it was impossible.

About five minutes ago they called. "Hi, Rachel, this is the director. Can you come to our first rehearsal tomorrow?" I got the part. I took a deep breath. "Um... actually, I wanted to ask you a question." I explained the situation. "Would it be worth it for me to drive two hours for the performance?" "Well... considering you'd have to miss the first few days of college, I'd say no, it wouldn't be." She sounded so disappointed in me that I started tearing up. "I'm sorry..." I said. "Thank you for letting me know." By this point, I was in tears. "Thank you... 'bye."

So... I feel like crap. She sounded so disappointed in me, and even worse- this is the fifth part I've been the first choice for, but haven't been able to play. It's great that I'm being considered and "getting" these parts... but you can't put this on a resume, and I feel like I'm losing out on such great times. I'm really really upset. I hate college.

Something cool did happen while I was there though, besides giving a good audition. There is a woman there who I've auditioned with several times. She's very nice and we always talk during breaks. She has always looked really familiar to me, but I could never place who she was. Tonight, she was talking to this girl who also looked familiar, and talking to her like the girl was her daughter. Finally, it clicked. When we were all dismissed, I stopped the girl. "Hi, your name is Lauren, right?" "Yeah," she said. "I have to ask, did you do a show at _________ Community Theatre a few years ago?" "Yeah, like a really long time ago." "Like 2003?" The girl's mom came over and said, "Oh my gosh, do you mean An Evening of Mysteries? Were you in that?" "yeah, I was Sammie!" "She took a close look at me. "Wow, you were little then!" "Yep, I was thirteen." So as it turns out, the lady played my mother and her daugher played my stage sister's friend. I love how theatre reunites people!