Well, I had my audition for the American Musical and Dramatic Academy (AMDA) yesterday morning. My mom decided to make it a girls' weekend in the city, so not only did she come, my little sister (who is sixteen) came along as well, which was cool.

We took the train up (I live in PA) and I wasn't really nervous for the audition. I have already decided where I'm going, so there was really no pressure. "Why did you go, then?" you might ask. Well, for a few reasons. First of all, the train tickets were non-refundable, so we would have lost a few hundred dollars had I decided not to go. Additionally, I wanted to go and see if I could get in, especially since I decided not to audition for AADA earlier. And lastly, I had confirmed my audition time not two weeks ago and thought it would be irresponsible and unprofessional to just not show up. (And also, Bruce from this forum mentioned the auditioner was a CD, so I was totally there!) So we took the train up on Friday, the day before my audition and just had some fun being touristy around NYC. On our way to lunch, we happened to pass by the most AMAZING store called The Drama Bookshop. If you haven't been there, look it up and go! They have almost any script you could ever want (I bought six while I was there), along with songbooks, sheet music, accent cds, theatre magazines, monologues books, everything!

I knew my monologues- one was my usual comedic one, which I will probably be able to recite on my death bed, I know it so well, and the other was one I really like from a little-known play called The Big Scene.

As I stated before, I wasn't nervous at all for the audition, just excited... until the day wore on. As it got closer and closer to my audition time- and I'm just talking 5 p.m., here- I started getting really really nervous. I was repeating my dramatic monologue over and over, and getting it right... but that was no comfort. I know- and I'm sure many people here do, as well- that I can recite it a million times in my head adn rehearse it in my room all day, but once I get up on that stage, it's a completely different experience.

Finally, it was time for bed. I made the mistake of getting an iced lemonade and drinking it right before bedtime, and it made me really sick. I didn't throw up, but between the drink and the nerves over the next day, I literally slept about two hours all night. I woke up around 2 a.m. and decided I would not let myself go to sleep until I got my dramatic monologue exactly right. I did, but I wanted to see if I could do it again... and again... and again. And then I started getting it wrong. I kept pulling out my monologue paper and squinting at it in the dark. I just wanted it to be time for my audition so I could get it over with.

When morning finally came, my mom could tell something was wrong. "I really really don't feel good," I said. "Should we even go?" "Yes!" I said. I would have felt so stupid just returning to bed and skipping the audition.

My audition was set for 7:45 a.m., but it was almost an hour later. Everyone we met was really nice. There was a Spanish guy and a Scottish guy running the auditions, and they were both really good. The Spanish guy was like a stand-up comedian and was making us all laugh. My mom was getting kind of nervous that they weren't running on time, because we had to check out of our hotel at 12. But once they got situated, the auditions started around 8:30. I was called a few minutes later. I was still going over my dramatic monologue. I was the first in the one room (they have such beautiful studios! I love how bright they are!) and met my auditioner. He seemed very nice. They had a video camera set up, which I thought was a little weird.

I had decided, after much mulling, that would do my dramatic one first so I could really wow my auditioner with my comic monologue. Usually, it's not a good idea to do this, in case they don't want to see another one, but since you were required to do two, I figured I was safe.

All I can say is, thank God I did that. I started in on my dramatic monologue, got to the third paragraph (I split my monos up into small paragraphs to memorize them)- and froze. I mean, mind blank froze. I've had moments like this onstage, but I always managed to pick it back up a  few seconds later. The CD looked up from writing and said, "You want to start again?" "Yes, please." I began again. And froze at the very same spot. I felt like I was about to cry. Thank God I didn't, but I was humiliated. I looked, sounded, and felt like a seven year old in a school pageant. I don't think I've ever felt so desperate. It was especially awful because I'm good at memorizing and this had never happened to me.

The guy looked up again. "Why don't we go to the next monologue?" I was humiliated, but launched into my comedic monologue, which went great. He laughed a lot, and I hope the fact that I did so well on that monologue showed him that I'm not completely hopeless and I CAN memorize (the monologue I did well is about three times longer than the other one), and,l hopefully, act. After I finished, we both said thank you, and I went back to the waiting room.

I am so so so humiliated by that audition- well, at least the first mono part. I can't believe they have that on tape... oh, my God...

After that was my interview. I had brought my huge, ten-pound portfolio of all my shows and stuff with me and brought it into the interview. The interview was short, but the woman talked very fast and asked a lot of questions, which were actually really cool questions. Unfortunately, she didn't touch my portfolio, which means I carried around the city for two days for nothing. However, the interview went very well.

So I don't know what to think. I mean, had it not been for that first mono, I would say it went great... but that moment is so painful in my mind that I've only just stopped feeling nauseous when I think about it. All through the day, I kept thinking, "Why did you do that?" "I should have done my Hamlet monologue," "Why didn't I ask to do a different one?"

But I guess I can't change what I did. And the good thing is that, even if I don't get in, I know where I'm going, so it's not like the end of the world. I would still like to get in, just to say that I did, though. 

Today, I was surprised to see an audition on my calendar. I haven't been crossing my days off, so I didn't realise it was the end of April already! I am really excited for the audition. There's only one part close to my age, and she's in her mid-twenties, while I'm a young-looking eighteen, but I'm going to try anyway. Plus, we get to use British accents durig this audition! I am so excited because I looove doing British accents! That audition is in about four hours, and I can't wait!