Well, things haven't been looking up lately, performing-wise. It's only been a week and a half since SS ended, and I feel like it's been a YEAR and a half. I hate being without a show, and I feel panicky and claustrophobic. This feeling is heightened by the fact that I can really only fit one more show in before I go to college- and that show is not appearing. I am just dreading college where, if I don't make the current show, I'm not allowed to audition outside of school, like I have for six years. I am not looking forward to college at all- should I actually get into one.

I've had a bunch of auditions this month already- one was, of course, the movie audition. I haven't gotten a call yet, so I don't think I will. However, I think it went well, so I feel no regret over it. On the day of the SS strike party, I stayed for only an hour, then drove almost an hour to another theatre to audition for The Wisdom of Eve. WoE is a fantastic play, and though I knew I was too young for even the youngest part, I was excited to audition. So I get there, my form already filled out, to find that I'd have to miss opening night for my dance recital. I submitted my form anyway, and a few minutes later, I was called into the audition room. "You can't be in this," they told be blatantly. "We need you on that stage on opening night, hon." It wasn't really what they said, but the tone in which they said it that made me want to cry. I asked if I could audition for the experience. If they said no, I was going to just drive back to the SS thing. But they said yes. So I sat there. And sat there. After an hour, they were like, "Sorry, hon, we can't read you." I was humiliated.

On the way home from that "audition" the producer of Tommy called me and was like, "Are you auditioning for Into the Woods?" I told her that I couldn't, because I'd have to miss most of the rehearsals and four out of the five performances for dance... and I didn't say what I wanted to, which was "And I wouldn't get a part anyway." So I was really really upset that night. Most of my theatre friends are in the show, with great parts, and I'm feeling a bit blue.

Last Saturday, I had another audition, which was just weird. I sang my song, and it went well, even though the pianist stopped at the very climax of it. While I was singing, the two CDs were looking at my resume and pointing and nodding really enthusiastically. When I was finished, they said, "We might offer you a chorus role." Though I don't expect much higher in musicals- I'm more of an actress than a singer-I was surprised because they were so enthusiastic over my credits. If they had sat there and looked bored, I wouldn't have been surprised. I'm not sure if I'll take the role if they offer it- it IS a professional production, and I do love being in the chorus, but there are a few more shows coming up to audition for.

I have one tomorrow for a job. I don't want to return to my last summer's job, for various reasons, one of them bing that I was paid less than minimum wage. I also really like this company. They're all very nice and, when I auditioned last year, it was the most stress-free audition I've ever been to.

Because I've had such crappy auditions lately, I feel very lazy; I passed up two auditions this month. One was for City of Angels- I wasn't old enough for it, and I'm also extremely conservative and prudish, and it was not my type of show. The other was for an original one at the theatre I did SS at- it was a small small part and no one would recognize the play.

*sigh*

I just feel very ugh right now... I miss the SS cast like crazy (we're having a reunion later) and I don't have a show to distract me.

Some things, however, have been going well. We're really working hard on our end of year performance for CASA. My friends and I wrote this awesome scene based on a true story (of an art student's grandmother) who hid Jewish people in her bouse during WWII. I did a lot of work on the scene, and I was absolutely in love with it. I worked on it constantly, and wanted to play the main character, Helen, sooo badly. One day, I went into class and my teacher said, "hey, Rachel, you're going to play Helen in the WWII scene." I was so excited! I still am! I can't wait to film it. I'm really nervous, though, because it IS a true story and I don't want to misrepresent it or ruin it. But I am so happy that my teacher thought I could do this role!