Well, after reading margyjohnson's blog, my problems seem mergre by comparison! But still, I'm feeling a bit confused.

Last Wednesday, I auditioned for Ramona Quimby. My mother, as I wrote before, thought this was a bit stupid, as Beezus is around twelve. While I look twelve facially, my chest is not that of a twelve year old. But I still love the part and I managed to look a few years younger and a little flatter for the audition. It didn't go as I would have liked, but it still went pretty well. I didn't get to audition for an hour and a half, but that didn't really surprise me. Finally, they called my group, the second to last. I was happy that I wasn't the oldest- the boy in our group was nineteen (although he behaved as if he were ten). We went into their (newly redone) theatre- it's so much more attractive than when I performed there three years ago. The director and SM were in there, sitting at a table, and they told us to go stand behind a script. The scripts were on the floor almost all the way across the room, I guess to hear how we projected. So we stood behind a script and they assigned us parts to read. I was very disappointed that I was told to read for Aunt Bea. But I realised after the audition that it was most likely just to hear how we read, and it wasn't the part that really mattered (after all, the nineteen year old was playing Uncle Hobart!) The scene was short, but it went kind of slowly because the little girl reading for Ramona wasn't very fluent, and the girl reading for Beezus kept reading the stage directions. Aunt Bea isn't a particularly interesting part, but still, I tried to do as much as I could. Then the director dismissed us. As I was gathering my stuff from a chair, he said, "So what kind of storytelling do you do?" So I told him all about my job and how it worked. i took that as a good sign, that he talked to me afterwards and seemed interested, but the first rehearsal is in two days and I've yet to get a call. So I'm thinking I'm not Beezus.

Fiddler auditions were better. It was a two- day audition, three if you got a callback. The first day went quite well. It was supposed to be vocals and dancing, but the dancing was pushed to the next day. All the girls going for Chava, Tzeitel, or the younger sistes were supposed to sing Matchmaker, so you can imagine how many of us there were (I was going for Chava). But I think my song went pretty well- it's right in the middle of my range, so I can hit all of the notes with no problem. I was petrified I'd forget the words, even though I've known that song for years. I didn't though, and I was proud of how I projected (I've always had a problem projecting while I sing). It's a small theatre, so you really don't have to project that much. So I was really happy with how my song went. I could have acted it a bit more, but I knew I'd look like I was copying the girl who went before me and didn't want to look exactly like her.

The second day went pretty well, too. The director warned us that we were only going to get one chance at everything, so we couldn't hold anything back. This director is wonderful at picking audition material. The scene he chose for the Chavas was the book scene between Chava and Fydeka. An excellent scene, and showing some range in Chava's personality. There was one line that if I knew I said it the right way, I'd probably get a callback. It was "Don't they?" Unfortunately, it came out all wrong, leaving me dissatisfied with my performance (it's weird, I tend to measure my performance by how I say one certain line.) But it was a fun scene, even though the guy playing Fyedka couldn't pronounce his own character's name... or Chava's... or Heinrich Heine.

Is it bad that I was extremely annoyed that there were some people who couldn't take an hour or two out of their schedules the day before to attend the vocal audition the day before, and instead sang at the script reading and dance audition? Well, I was. The rest of us manage to do it, why can't they? Anyway, there was no dance the second day, either. I figured the peole who got a callback would be doing dance.

The next morning, the director called, as he said he would. He had told us that he'd call either way, so I knew who it was when the phone rang. But I didn't expect to hear what I did: "We'd like you to report to the theatre tonight at seven." A too-long pause occured as I jumped into the air. Then I thanked him and proceeded to skip around the house, telling everyone I came across.

The callback, which was last night, was good and bad. It was good because I was talking to this really cool girl, going for Hodel, before the auditions began, and we talked abut everything from past productions to shoes. She's cool, and I'd love to work with her. Also good was how my scene turned out (more on that later). Bad was the fact that I almost didn't get to read... because they forgot about me. has this ever happened to anyone else? If it hasn't, let me tell you, it is really embarrassing to have a direcotr's eye widen in horror when he's realized that he's had every teenage girl read twice or three times and he hasn't even had you read once because he forgot you. My mom asked why I didn't speak up, but another girl my age didn't read for almost as long as I didn't, so I figured he had something else in store for us. He did have her read a different scene, so I figured I was next... and then he moved on to a chorus scene. Finally, he looked around the auditorium, looking for people he wanted to hear again, and I purposely caught his eye. His eyes got all wide as he realised that I hadn't read. He quickly waved me up to the stage and gave me the scene the other girl had read.

The scene, I think, went really well. At least, it felt really good. I got to read with one of the best Tevye candidates the first time, and he was so wonderful to work off of- he made me really scared when he yelled (we were doing the scene where Chava tells her father she wants to marry Fyedka)! Though the next Tevye wasn't as good, I liked my second reading better because, again, there was one sentance I wanted to nail, and I got it that time.

But.

I still don't think I got it. I mean, the scene felt great and I love the role and I think they could tell and people told me it was a good reading... but I was an absolute idiot and put my dance classes- three nights a week (Oh my God, my phone just rang... and it was my dad asking if we needed milk.) I really really really should not have put that down... I could miss dance classes. I don't want to, but I could and would for the part. I also put down an date- unknown conflict that I found out isn't a conflict at all. and a once-a-week rehearsal in October (a month before the show- and the other show dates don't conflict with rehearsals for Fiddler) that I can't miss. But... ah, why am I so stupid? I think my schedule's really going to determine whether I get it or not. And I just want to call them and be like, "Actually, I really only have those rehearsals as conflicts!" But I know that that's unprofessional, so I won't, even though I feel like crying because I feel like the part's just out of my reach.

So they're going to call today or tomorrow- I'm thinking tomorrow- to tell us either way. I'm positive I didn't get it. But I don't know if I should accept a chorus role or not (and I forget what I marked off on my list, if I'd accept one or not). I mean, I'd ove to be in Fiddler, even in the chorus, but there's a few reasons why I think it would be a bad idea: 1) Though I'm not given to being bitter about losing a role, it mght be too painful for me to watch the chosen Chava play her part. 2) I've been kind of trying to dis-establish myself as an ensemble person. And the callbacks I've been getting have proven to me that I might just reach that. And 3) School play auditions are coming up and I want to do them, too (though Chava would totally be better than any school play). Of course, my chances of getting in the school play are very very slim, as, if it's still A Midsummer Night's Dream, the cast is tiny and I'm not the director's favorite person.

Ah, I'm just so confused!!!!!

(And I apologize for the length of this entry.)

EDIT: I just got the call. I didn't get it. I feel terrible... but I guess that's how it goes. I did get chorus...